Freedom began

The trial for Mike Young (aka Mike Newcastle) is cancelled: Mike plead guilty to murdering Shelby. Not only did he plead guilty, he completely admitted fault. Here’s a link to an article:

http://www.lahontanvalleynews.com/article/2008108279988

. . .


It took me a year to put together how I felt about it. There’s no template, no manual, no support group for “people whose longtime friends commit cold blooded murder, claim they didn’t do it, and desperately want you to believe that they didn’t do it.” He wasn’t just a friend, he was a good friend, a great friend; we had 14 great years of friendship. And then he murdered his wife. And she was such a great person, loved by all. Family shattered. And now? There’s really no sense of relief. Just a subdued sense that Mike admitting his guilt, admitting fault, is the best possible outcome under the circumstances. Circumstances that absolutely no one wishes for. That the slightest shift in perspective could have avoided in the first place.

Vegas and love and death. The adult Disneyland, fake Eiffel Towers and simulations of idyllic Medieval Kingdoms that were never idyllic. When you lose real love, it is a horrible aching sadness. But all of those images, of happily ever after (which never really was perfectly happy, and nothing lasts forever), of sitcoms that end with a kiss and roll credits, of … eventually you’ll hit it big, no one can tell you what it is like – but everyone knows it will be Real Good. And of these untamed expectations that Vegas fits into our heads. The unattainable level of riches and bliss, that deny us the bliss of this life. When you lose real love, you become sad. When you lose hyppereal love, you lose all possibility of ever becoming happy.

It’ll take another year to sort this all out. I told Shelby’s family that I would do anything I could to see that justice was done. I also told Mike that I would be there for him, if he would come to terms with what he did. Contemplating trying to reach out to him seems almost as difficult as contemplating testifying against him. The only clear-cut, easy answers involve going back in time. Isn’t it always that way. If anyone ever said being human were easy, they were wrong.

30 years. That’s what they agreed on. What is a life worth? Everything. What would serve the interests of justice? Not even a life for a life can recompense the wound. Is Mike a danger to society? Is Mike a danger to himself? How will the story of his life arc? 30 years. I am 30. My life all over again, that’s what Mike will be doing in prison. Taking away the first 4 or 5 years from which I have no memories, or even still just thinking about the last 15 that I really remember vividly… and, 15 years ago I hadn’t even met Mike. All of the time we had together, twice over. When Mike gets out, will freedom just be a cage?

And I think about Curt and Donna. Their everything was also taken away. So much pain, bitterness. Yet thinking back to the Amish School Shootings in 2006. The Amish came and comforted the family of the shooter, Charles Roberts. Such love, forgiveness. Real love. Real forgiveness. Their freedom. Maybe Curt and Donna’s freedom will begin with Mike’s remorse.

I wonder what Shelby would be thinking.